Facing problems in married life.

[bansalgirl]

Hello Sir,

I am facing lots of problems with my husband. The reason is we are in a long distance relationship from last 2 years. And its been around 3 months of our marriage now. He lives abroad. We love each other but still there's a lot we don't understand. Whenever I try to tell him my emotional state, he gets annoyed, i have no idea what the reason is. Whether its that he's not with me and can't help or any other reason. Please help me understand what should I do to make our relationship smooth.

I tried talking to him, and making him understand that these little fights won't fetch us anything but stress. But this time, the discusdion led to something else. I am tired of it, and scared even. I want to save our relationship. Please help me with something

[Noel Eastwood]

bansalgirl, this is what you have always wanted, to be married, sometimes fights like this happen, sometimes they never stop and sometimes they go on until you both get use to being married. And sometimes one of you need to be the mature one and say, 'Enough fighting, no more, I won't bite back no matter what you say."

May I suggest that you just stop biting back. Eventually he will stop arguing, it gets boring arguing by yourself. This is called 'setting boundaries'.

Your homework is to study up on 'boundaries', tell me what it means and then work out some for your marriage then we can work out how to set them up to improve your life.

[bansalgirl]

Thanks for the reply sir.

I have always been saying, lets not fight. He too says, but doesn't act. I never argued when he told me to stop working. I left all the job offers whenever I got any, whether those were govt jobs or private, because he wanted me to stay at home. & I was doing that happily just for him. I'm doing everything, talking to his family over phone calls. And when I asked him to talk to my parents, he got annoyed. Its fine I understand we are living apart, yes it hurts that your loving life partner is not with you, but at the end if we see, they all are together, and that's my family. I am the only one who is not there. I should be stressed and unhappy, and yes I am. But that doesn't mean I should fight with my husband for that. Yes its a difficult time for both of us, but why to mae it more difficult by fighting on silly issues?

I have been trying to make him understand all this with full patience. But something's not working. And I don't know whats that.

[Noel Eastwood]

you don't know each other yet, it is quite normal to disagree when you first get together, this happens until you sort yourself and each other out. It takes time to become comfortable with your partner. How long have you known him? An arranged marriage?

[bansalgirl]

Yes, its an arranged one.
It will be 2 years in august since we know each other. But we got no time to spend. He was abroad and got back 2 days before wedding and stayed for 12-13 days after marriage. All the inlaws family is abroad. I got no time to spend with any of them. That makes me more stressed. Its so difficult to maintain long distance relationships specially when there's long time duration. You don't know the persons in real and have to be sweet with everyone. Sometimes I don't feel like talking to anyone, but I have to because we don't know each other yet and to keep the relations smooth.

I get upset when my husband behaves strangely. That hurts me the most.