Optimistic about everything except romantic life

[MajorTom]

Hey! The reason I’m here is that lately I’ve noticed feeling myself very hopeless and sad in regards to my romantic life, which is absent.

I’m that kind of person who waits for someone very special, but she doesn’t seem to appear in my life (I hope, yet).

Interestingly, I have positive feelings concerning my career paths in future (I play/write music and do acting, and love storytelling in general), and am very keen on gaining experience and learning everything new in these fields (so far though I stay at the job which I don’t really like, but I need money Currently I do graphic design, which I do like in some of its forms, but not in that which I’m doing now). And those two things come so naturally; even other people have pointed that out, and I’m glad my performances can be liked by people. In short, I feel very happy about this aspect of my life; I know I need to work on it, and I gladly am/will!

But I can’t shake the feeling that I won’t be able to find someone to have a relationship with, and share my joy for the things I love (these that I’ve mentioned before for instance). It’s not that I suffer without it, or need it for “fixing” me. It’s just that I feel that I already have a lot to love to give, but there’s no one’s around to give to. I mean, maybe there are, but I need to actually love the person. Maybe it would be much easier if I was into one night stands, but I’m just not. Probably I could do it, but that’s not what I’m looking for.

I do have friends whom I love dearly (platonic love is a big thing for me too). But I really am waiting for something else.

Should I actively, like, search it? I’ve tried it, but that doesn’t seem to work, and I love meeting people in real life, organically so to say. So I’m just continuing to live my life with this feeling in the back of my mind (which becomes increasingly louder to be honest).

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[Noel Eastwood]

Tom, I see your impatience here in your chart. Basically there is nothing astrological really stopping or thwarting your love life. Sure platonic relationships are fine but you want more than that and I don't blame you. I think there is an element of being tongue tied when you meet someone you like, that could be something to work on. One thing to consider is to be helpful to those in your circle of friends who need someone to listen to, that may lead to finding that love you are seeking. Perhaps consider that it is the beauty within that you need to look for rather than physical beauty that we are most drawn to.

What I do see is frustration at work which is where you invest most of your time and energy. If you are going to meet someone compatible it is at work I think, because that is where you are at in your head a lot of the time. You also need to study something or do some sports because these are highlighted in your chart. You have a good brain which needs to be used not just for work but also to learn things new - you like intellectual stimulation.

If you are interested in meditating with your archetypes then let me know, it might help some.

[MajorTom]

Thank you for yor reply Noel!

Yeah, there is certain hint of impatience to this whole issue, I tend to get this way occasionally. Well it’s nice to know that astrologically there doesn’t seem to be anything stopping me hahhah.

Concerning being tongue-tied - that’s true, I’ve blamed myself couple of times for sort of blabbering in such situations.

Yes, I try my best to listen to friend’s troubles, and people often come to me for some advice. It’s interesting that you say this may help me find love, I haven’t thought about it this way. Oh and I agree on valuing inner beauty as well.

And yes, exactly - frustration at work!! My current job often makes me feel so irritated (and even physically tense), and am considering leaving it; the main reason why I’m still there is, as I’ve mentioned already money, (which, by the way, I use for things you’ve mentioned as well). Learning new and exploring things is indeed a big part of my life - currently I’m finishing my German language courses (although I need to catch up big time because I’ve been too busy to do homework properly oops), am going to take up new acting courses, and I have a whole list of movies to watch and books to read.. Oh and traveling! It is also so very exciting for me; I can say without an exaggeration that every trip transforms me. And I can spend literally days going to museums or learning history of a place I’m visiting. In short, I really do love intellectual stimulation - this hunger for new knowledge is truly insatiable. Thank you for complimenting my brain hahhah

Well and also, for me, sport is quite a big part of my acting practice, especially if I need some warm up, so it is implemented there in a very neat and convenient way. And I feel at ease training my body in that way, it’s much more fun than, say, in gym (but occasionally I go there as well, like today for instance).

And yes, I’d really like to hear more about meditating with my archetypes!

Thanks a lot again!

[Noel Eastwood]

Tom, if I were you I'd do some meditations with Sun in Aries and Moon in Capricorn. these are your most important archetypes so get to know them really well, then let me know how it goes and we'll move on to others

[MajorTom]

Thanks; then move to Leo rising etc?
I also wanted to clarify how exactly should I connect to them trough meditation, and how this works in general. Should I just ask the question while meditating, and look out for some intuitive insights?

Also that’s probably not directly connected, but I’ve noticed that tarot cards provide a great aid when I contemplate looking for some answer, and usually cards I draw out reflect past and present (well and based on these the likely outcome in the future, but I can’t test this pne hahhah) quite precisely. Maybe I can use this tool even more?

One shocking (in a good way) thing which I’d discovered when I started to study tarot is how metaphor of my birth cards (The Devil and The Lovers) indeed seem to reflect my life so precisely. And the way these to cards work together to create a better outlook on life and persona in general is so beautiful; I really do strive to reach that harmonious balance in my life that this pair symbolizes, but so far I know I still have my limits and restrictions and am not completely free of them. But who knows, maybe if not them I wouldn’t strive to reach the archetype of The Lovers card?

I’ve got carried away a bit lol

[Noel Eastwood]

Tom, yes you do get a bit carried away, lol, but that is par for the course with Leo rising and Sun in Aries with an Aries stellium. It is good to be passionate and excited, so stay the course and don't become demoralised, it doesn't go well with a Fire sign.

Tarot is awesome, I suggest you do a meditation each day with any card just draw one for the day. It's called 'skrying' when you go inside the card itself.

As for the archetypes, it is a it more complex, grab some of my books or subscribe to my newsletter and you'll see that I've written extensively on how to do this. You could even do a search on this forum for my many posts no how to do inner work - with the archetypes and inner selves.

Make sure you keep us in the loop on how it goes, this is the best therapy you will ever do in your entire life.

[MajorTom]

Oh well, it happened so today that today at work I was so, so (pardon my french) fucking depressed. I felt yet again how I’m fed up with those tasks which usually mean absolutely nothing to me. Another thing is I want to earn a lot of money for my development and for general well-being, but so far that’s the only position that can give me such an income. Other things that I’ve mentioned above and which I actually enjoy doing so far just can’t bring me that. In short, I’m still very pissed; I also still live with my parents, which I feel sort of gets in a way of my development as a person. But to rent some place I’d need some money, which I wouldn’t be able to afford if I left this job (and I’m this close to actually doing that). Also, I struggle eith intrusive thoughts that make the whole experience even sweeter

Sorry to give you this depressing twost on my loop, bit that’s just something I’m experiencing currently. Here goes my demoralizing I suppose

Thanks a lot for you reaching out; I’ll definitely check out your work here. For some reason atrology has become something of a comfort place for me lately.

Also I love the word “skrying”

[Noel Eastwood]

Hang in there Tom, do your meditations diligently and report back, we'll have a look at them and start moving things forwards.

[MajorTom]

Hello Noel,

Thank you for your encouragement. I did couple of meditations now (and also couple of others yesterday during one acting workshop, but I’ll tell about this one later), and here’s what I can report:

So far I haven’t gotten around reading your books, but I wanted to try meditating with archetypes now (hello impatience), so I’ve decided to see maybe there’s something on youtube. I’ve found one guided meditation video, but during it for some reason I didn’t focus on an Aries or Capricorn specifically, but a character from one TV series (well, the video was more focused on character archetypes from movies/books etc, so maybe that’s why). The funny thing that people in real life actually tell me that I remind them of this character I met during this meditation; maybe the reason why it led me to him is because outwardly he’s quite laid-back, yet somewhat frisky and low-key loves showing off. And these are the same things I exhibit when I feel good and at peace with myself, which currently I’m not; so maybe my subconscious wanted to remind me of how better I am when I’m not feeling down? So that was quite a nice experience, and quite a vivid one.

Then the second meditation I did was specifically for Aries archetype (I found some “Aries Meditation” with some background music, don’t know if it had any credibility), but it actually worked; what I’ve felt though is that right now I’m weak. I imagined this archetype as a strong yet confident woman, and she kept reassuring me throughout the whole “session”; at some point she took my hands and looked right into my face. So comparing myself with her I could feel that currently I’m not in the best place, because I know myself when I feel like her, and of course that feels great and so in line with who I am; it’s very empowering. So a bit later the reassurance was specifically about my outlook on love life, she kept saying “that’s beautiful, the way you love is beautiful”, and carried on telling how I can see that I truly love it and should not be afraid. And after the last bit the video ended aaand that was all.

Analyzing it now, I wonder if the issue she reassured me on is the root of my weird state now. Is it all my own imagination, how can I know that these things I’ve heard, felt and saw are something worth believing in?

Also, I guess I have to give a bit of a context for that second meditation: the matter is that I am a gay female who’s still struggling with embracing and expressing that part of me fully, and I know I have yet to do a loottt of the inner work on that (hence the “that’s beautiful, the way you love is beautiful”?)

[Noel Eastwood]

Hi Tom, what you have done is quite amazing given it is so insightful and you actually gave it a try. Not many people bother do that. How do you know it is real? You don't until you've done heaps and heaps then you will just jump in and be there knowing that this is what you seek and are given. Right now just go with the flow and keep doing. You've already gained incredible insight and that tells me that what you are doing is the right thing for you to do.

Don't try to do too many archetypes at first, these ones are just right, Sun and Moon and that funny person in the movie thingy. So for now, just keep doing and keep me informed. Oh, and keep a journal so that when you forget how empowering this is it will remind you and push you forward.